Building healthy friendships and relationships is one of the keys to success for youth.
Developing a Healthy Dating Relationship
When my 13 year old daughter asked if she could start dating I thought it would be innocent (holding hands, hanging out with friends), but I was wrong. I later learned there was a lot more going on! The reason I agreed was that I knew her friends who had strict parents were just sneaking around behind their parents’ back.”
It’s an agonizing decision for most parents to make and there is not one right answer. This article from Raising Children offers advice and guidelines.
So Your Teen Is Dating — Now What?
From those first crushes to big heartbreaks, here’s how to help your kids through their first dating experiences.
This article from Good Housekeeping offers advice and tips.
How parents can help youth avoid dating violence
To protect youth, adults need to recognize the seriousness of teen relationships, know the warning signs of abuse, and communicate early and often about healthy relationships.
- Discuss media messages and stereotypes with youth: Communicate respectfully about why certain messages and stereotypes are troubling or untrue.
- Talk about the benefits and risks of the Internet: Make them feel that it’s OK to ask you questions or talk to you if they run into problems online. Build guidelines around Internet use just as you would for other activities. Read more about online safety.
- Watch for warning signs, and ask questions: These could include sudden personality changes, a withdrawal from activities and people, walking on eggshells, secrecy about fights or bruises/injuries, or sudden self-destructive behaviour.
Relationship signs your teen needs to understand and watch out for
Do you recognize any of these following signs in your teen’s relationship? If so, help them understand the danger.
What is love bombing?
Love bombing is when someone overwhelms you extravagant gifts and affection at the beginning of a relationship. It’s used to win your trust and affection but is essentially a manipulation technique. Trust your instincts, if it feels like too much, it probably is.
Example: “We were meant to be together” and “We’re so perfect together” even though you may not really know them well.
10 signs of over-the-top love (health line.com)
- They lavish you with gifts
- They can’t stop complimenting you
- They bombard you with phone calls and texts
- They want your undivided attention
- They try to convince you that you’re soulmates
- They want commitment and they want it now
- They get upset when you place boundaries
- They’re overly needy
- You’re overwhelmed by their intensity
- You feel unbalanced
What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that occurs in abusive relationships. The bully or abuser makes you question your judgment and reality.
Example: If your partner consistently and immediately assumes you’re remembering something incorrectly, perceiving incorrectly, or overreacting to a negative situation—especially with no willingness to listen to your frustrations or confusion about where you may have miscommunicated or misremembered—you may be experiencing gaslighting and should likely end the relationship.
3 cores of gaslighting (412teens.org)
- Making the victim believe they’re personally at fault for any abuse they suffer
- Making the victim believe they imagined their experiences (positive or negative)
- Isolating the victim from a trustworthy, supportive community
15 signs you are a victim of gaslighting (verywellfamily.com)
- You doubt your feelings and reality
- You doubt your judgment and perceptions
- You feel vulnerable and insecure
- You feel alone and powerless
- You feel stupid and crazy
- You are disappointed in yourself
- You feel confused
- You worry that you are too sensitive
- You have a sense of impending doom
- You spend a lot of time apologizing
- You feel inadequate
- You second-guess yourself
- You assume others are disappointed in you
- You wonder what’s wrong with you
- You struggle to make decisions
What is negging?
Negging is when someone insults you and undermines your confidence as a way to make you more vulnerable to their romantic advances.
Example: “You can be so beautiful when you have makeup on!”
7 signs someone is negging you (bustle.com)
- Their compliments are always backhanded
- They constantly criticize you
- They’re a narcissist (spend all their time putting others down while talking themselves up and think they are never in the wrong)
- You crave their approval
- They compare you to exes
- They’re always “so busy”
- You’re the butt of the joke
What is ghosting?
Ghosting occurs when someone you’ve been dating suddenly stops contacting you. It is usually the result of this other person being too afraid to tell you that they don’t want to go any further or end the relationship. So, instead of communicating directly, they start behaving like a ghost. When this happens, you may find that you check your phone constantly looking for a response back, a text.
Lessons for teens
- Realize that ghosting is not OK. If you are ghosted, recognize that the ghostee is not mature enough to end it responsibly and with empathy.
- As soon as you suspect you’ve been ghosted, don’t reach out, don’t look for closure. You’re better off without someone who doesn’t respect you enough to end things face-to-face.
- Talk about it to friends and family.
- Focus on yourself, enjoy this extra time with family and friends.
