Whether your teen’s friend is too afraid to speak up, or they think their problems aren’t big enough to warrant help, as their friend, your teen can reassure them that no problem is ever too small. If your teen confides that their friend is in a harmful or dangerous situation there are ways you can help them. Remind your teen that it is never considered tattling if they are trying to help.
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Offer these tips to your teen for when they help a friend who has experienced abuse, violence, bullying:
- Listen to what your friend tells you—try to stay calm and do not react with shock.
- Affirm your friend that it took a lot of courage for them to talk about this.
- Tell them that it is NOT their fault and that you are sorry it happened to them.
- Ask your friend how they would feel supported by you and what you can do to help.
- Encourage your friend it is important to talk with an adult they trust and that physical and sexual abuse (child abuse), physical and sexual assault and stalking (relationship violence) are criminal offences.
- Recognize and acknowledge your own feelings.
- Take care of yourself.
If your teen attends an HWDSB school, they can get help anonymously for their friends through the We Help app.
If your teen is supporting a friend who is feeling suicidal:
- Don’t ask too many questions – validate, don’t interrogate.
- Don’t try to relate – let them know that they have your attention.
- Encourage them to see a professional.
- Take them seriously.
- Share resources with them, such as helplines like Kids Help Phone.
- Check in with yourself afterward. Practice some self-care.
If your teen is supporting a depressed friend or partner
If your teen is supporting a friend in a toxic relationship
- Don’t judge/criticize them for being in the relationship.
- Approach them gently about the concerns you have for them.
- Let them know they are loved.
- Check in on them often.
- If things start to get out of hand, inform a professional.
Helping the helper: Supporting your teen while they support a friend
Helpers need help to! For your teen, helping someone they care about is an important way to provide support, but there are times where it can be overwhelming. Consider sharing these tips with them on making connections with people and resources who they can lean on. Remember, giving the best support to others can only happen when they are at their best too.
