It’s important to have conversations about consent with your youth. Supplying them with the tools to ask for consent, or say no, will empower them to develop healthier relationships. It’s best to start these conversations young, especially as consent doesn’t have to apply to sexual activity. Find knowledge and tips for speaking about consent on this page.
On this page:
What is Consent?
Consent is the voluntary and explicit agreement to engage in sexual activity. It requires that a person is able to freely choose between YES and NO. A clear, enthusiastic and vocal “Yes” is the best form of consent, and all parties should be into it. A person’s outfit also does not signify consent, and no one ever “asks for it.”
Teens need to know that asking for consent is the first thing you do before touching anyone in a sexual way.
How to communicate consent:
- Set boundaries and limits
- Ask your partner(s) what their desires are
- Communicate your own desires
Examples:
- “Can I touch you here?”
- “Are you open to trying ___?”
- “How would you feel if I did ___?”
- “I like when you touch me here, but I’m not comfortable with ___.”
Tea and Consent
Breaking down myths and stigmas around consent
Talking about sex and consent can be awkward, as it is a very heavily stigmatized topic. But your teen will feel even more awkward talking about it to you, especially as they may be discovering their own sexuality. It’s important to talk openly about it with your teen so they know the importance of consent.
Some aspects of consent you can unpack with your teen with talking points:
- It can feel awkward to talk about sex and consent
- The more you talk about it, the more normal it will become.
- Respecting your partner
- Asking for consent can open up the conversation about boundaries, which will bring more trust into the relationship.
- If your partner doesn’t respect your boundaries, it shows that you need to have a conversation about it, or it can be a warning sign of an unhealthy relationship.
- Not sure how to communicate boundaries
- Boundaries don’t just relate to sexual activity. Practice setting boundaries with your teen in your daily life, such as if someone asks “Can I borrow your phone charger?”
- Yes and No
- There are many ways to say “No” and it’s important to know to recognize them
- Read body language, listen to their partner (“No,” “I’m not comfortable,” “I don’t know…,” etc)
- Check in with your partner(s) to ensure everyone is always having fun
- Remind your teen that engaging in sexual activity is their choice
- There are many ways to say “No” and it’s important to know to recognize them
Consent is more than just a question and an answer. True and total consent is within an entire environment of developing trust and safety with each other, even if it’s just a one night thing.”
Cheryl M. Bradshaw, R.P., B.Ed, M.A
Even after #MeToo, we still don’t properly understand consent – until now. In this talk, the author of Real Talk About Sex and Consent, Cheryl Bradshaw, explains the vital missing information about true and total consent. Understand how consent is irrevocably tied to safety, and how sometimes “yes” actually means “no,” because the question should never have been asked in the first place. Learn more.
How Do You Know if Someone Wants to Have Sex with You? | Planned Parenthood Video
Sexting
Half of Canadian youth aged 16 to 20 have been sent a sext (a nude, partly nude or sexy photo) that they didn’t ask for. Whether you call them sexts, nudes, naked selfies or just pics, if someone receives an intimate image like this, it’s their job to make the right choice about the sender’s privacy. There is no excuse to forward a sext.
What should I do if my teen comes to me about an unsolicited nude photo they received?
- Have them delete it right away
- Don’t blame them for having received it
- Block the person, especially if they keep sending photos
- Report the person to the police
If the photo was forwarded from someone else…
- have them delete it right away
- remind them that it’s not okay to be forwarding other people’s nude photos, and it is against the law without their permission
- encourage them to tell the person who forwarded it that it was wrong
- encourage them to check in with the person who was in the photo and ensure they know they’re not alone and are connected to resources if they need it
More info on what youth should do.
What should I do if my teen comes to me about a nude photo of them that was forwarded?
Support your teen by…
- not blaming them for sending a nude photo and having it forwarded
- listening to them and reminding them that you’re there to talk about it
- ensuring they’re comfortable with going to the police about it and be there for support if they need it
- connecting them to resources if they need to talk to a professional
- giving them the power to make these decisions
More info:
- I Ask for Digital Consent
- Everything You Need to Know About Consent That You Never Learned in Sex Ed
- SEX & U
Resources for survivors in the area:
SACHA of Hamilton: A sexual assault centre providing a 24 hour support line, counselling, diverse communities outreach program, and public education.
905-525-4162: 24 hour phone line available in over 300 languages.
SAVIS of Halton: Sexual Assault and Violence Intervention Services, offering free and confidential 24/7, one-on-one crisis counselling services, as well as support groups, a senior program, anti-human trafficking support services, a male ally network, and public education.
905-875-1555: 24 hour phone line.
The Sexual Assault/Domestic Violence (SA/DV) Care Centre: provides confidential health care for children, adolescents, women, transgender persons, and men who have experienced sexual assault and/or domestic violence.
