When parents separate or divorce, it can have a profound impact on your teen. The stress can be overwhelming as they struggle to deal with changes at home, new routines, connections to each parent and new financial realities. Separation and divorce are far more common occurrences.
It is important to convey to your children that it is not their fault. Divorce occurs because of problems between the parents. Your children will have a lot of feelings regarding the divorce and it is important to speak with another adult or a counsellor. Keeping their feelings bottled up can lead to depression.
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What are some emotions your child may feel after the divorce:
- Shock – especially if they were not expecting the divorce
- Anger – either directed at you or at no one specifically
- Sadness
- Guilt – they feel like the divorce is their fault
- Anxiety – worrying about the future and who is going to take care of them
- Worry – they feel that in the future they will get divorced
- Fear – afraid of losing a parent
- Embarrassed – they do not want people to know that things in your family are changing
- Loneliness – no one understands them or understands what they’re are going through
- Relieved – there is now less tension at home
Understanding where their feelings are coming from, particularly if they’re lashing out or pulling away, is important so you can address their concerns.
What can you do to help your child deal with the divorce easier?
- Remind them that they do not need to, and should not need to, “take sides.”
- Talk to your teen about their concerns about the future and listen.
- Encourage them to keep living their life. They don’t need to put their life on hold to deal with your marital problems.
- Keep in touch. Going back and forth between two homes can be tough, especially if you and your former partner will live far apart. Making an effort to stay in touch when you’re apart can keep both of you up to date on everyday activities and ideas.
- Help them identify their strengths. How do they deal with stress? Do they get angry and take it out on siblings, friends, or themselves? Or are they someone who is a more of a pleaser who puts others first? Do they tend to avoid conflict altogether and just hope that problems will magically disappear?
- Let others support you. Talk about your feelings and reactions to the divorce with someone you trust, rather than unloading it on your teen.
Learn more at Teens Health
Helpful Articles
- Teens 12-18 helping them deal (raisingchildren.net)
- Teens and divorce (verywellfamily.com)
Resources
Cully Consulting & Mediation Ltd. offers services in Parental Planning, Separation and Divorce and other family conflicts.
When separating, the biggest challenge is often how to co-parent. Having a clear plan ahead makes future decisions smoother and more predictable. With the assistance of a neutral mediator, you can design the best agreement for your unique situation.
Disputes are part of life. Before they cause irreparable damage, settle the issues in a private, personal and collaborative way.
